这篇 雅思作文 够6分吗?Some people think modern games can help children to develop wide range of skills, but other people argue that traditional games can be much better for developing such skills. Discuss both views and give your opinion.我

这篇 雅思作文 够6分吗?
Some people think modern games can help children to develop wide range of skills, but other people argue that traditional games can be much better for developing such skills. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
我背了 《8分万能作文》里的文章 有些句子是改写那里的
大家帮我看看存在什么问题 结构是否生硬 有没有模版的痕迹 够不够6分
Games certainly have the potential to improve basic skills for children. In recent decades, we can easily observe a trend that children always concentrate more attention to modern games, especially the computer game, which is fairly popular among the younger generations. However, I still hold the view that traditional games are more beneficial.
Modern games are usually quite stylish and children often play them with the assistance of computers, television sets or other electronic products. However, studies have recorded that excessive computer using of any kind has obvious psychological and physiological effects on children. It will decrease their physical activity and increase obesity. Moreover, there are many children who appreciate the violent games tend to be less-tolerant and more frightened of he world around them. High levels of aggressive behavior with peers have also been clearly documented.
Fortunately, traditional games are in a quite different side. Most of the traditional games are very interactive; they usually act like leisure time activities such as basketball and volleyball. Many families make use of those games as a means to establish family bonds and transmit key values to their children. Therefore, a sizable number of parents feel that traditional games strengthen the family as a unit and children as individuals. Those games help children to develop important physical skills.
Totally, traditional games provide children a link to fitness and wellbeing. In addition, I think it is necessary to examine why increasingly children are playing basketball on the keyboard instead of the playground. Traditional games should be maintained by parents and teachers before children lose all potential skills.

感觉得不到6分 理由很简单 有些离题了
文章题目本身要你讨论的是究竟是modern games 还是traditional games 对skills的培养
但是你通篇大部分是说 modern games 和traditional games 对小孩的影响,这一点在第二段尤其明显,第三段的话 更是有点看不懂,写的是traditional games对家庭和睦的影响
总之我觉得用词的话可以到6,但是因为离题 ,所以到不了6

文章还行，6分没问题，但是可以看出是模版作文，改成这样已经不错了。

还行，6分没问题

很大可能性拿不到6。

理由正如2楼说的，离题了。

至于你的问题，我可以用亲身经历给你提点意见。

想必你也是只要6分的，模板不要背了，但是要写出结构，论证方式要搞清楚。

长难句其实还是少背8分作文上的句子，不是不好，不适合我们这种为了6分的人而已。在语法难度这一环，学会用点虚拟语气，倒装句，强调句，文章中每种写个1句-2句就足矣，不要多了！更不要写错。详细可以参考十天写作上的例句。

然后多使用定语从句，基本的就够了。

词汇更不需要难，还是十天上的，6分词汇足矣。

思路是一定要清晰的，就是如何论证，把需要使用上的语法穿插到你的论证过程中，即使表达的意思很基本，甚至很幼稚也没有关系。考的不是你的逻辑思维能力，而是语言表达能力。

6分，只要你少犯语法，时态，词汇错误，不要过多的考虑模板，按自己的思路往下写，绝对没有问题的。

我就是这样拿到6的！