帮忙看看雅思作文能拿几分帮忙看下这样的话能拿几分左右?能帮忙修改最好,An issue that has aroused extensive debate today is whether all the new building should be built in tradional styles.In my essay,I will examine two m

帮忙看看雅思作文能拿几分
帮忙看下这样的话能拿几分左右?能帮忙修改最好,
An issue that has aroused extensive debate today is whether all the new building should be built in tradional styles.In my essay,I will examine two main opinion often heard in this controversy and then present my own view.
It seems some people tend to believe all the new building should be built in tradional styles.The most important reason for their belief is building with tradional styles has more culture identity.
I is evident that every country have their tradional building styles; therefore,every country should use their tradional building styles,not other country's.In addition,another argument would be made by them is tradional buiding styles are more attractive for touristis.Generally spaking,most of us would concede that most of touristis want to see the tradional buiding in which country they visit.
On the other hand,it is clear some people are of the opinion all the new building do not be necessarily built in traditional styles.Indeed,it seems modern building synthesize the Asian and Western cultures.For instance,the national museum was bulit in modern styles,but it use the traditional styles to decorate.Moreover,Building was built in the traditional styles will spend outweight the building was built in modern styls.Specifiaclly,to build a building in traditional styles will cost 20,000 dollar per floor overweight modern styles.Last but not least,building with modern styls is more aseismatic.Therefore,building with modern styls can safe more human from the earthquake.
Speaking for myself,with regard to this issue,I tend to be in favor of the latter view.Traditional building really have cultural identity,but the morden building is more safe and economic.
题目是Some people believe all the new buildings should be built in traditional styles.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

5-6分 看考官心情（实话）IETLS运气很重要
加“In my essay,I will examine two main opinion often heard in this controversy and then present my own view.”这句话是找死
new buildings（可数） " to be build in tradional styles"含糊又啰嗦（可能指结构方面） 用 feature\ exterior 即可( 多用ACADEMIC WORDS 会提分） “most of us would concede that most of” 两个MOST OF连用显得重复 us 用PEOPLE最好,因为US指什么考官是不明白的（考官外国人 外国文章不这么写） it is clear + that 这的THAT不能省略好像 it seems 多次重复 “modern building synthesize the Asian and Western cultures”不对,这话说得有问题不和逻辑 晕,现在才看清你是在写结构 你这样写不太好 首先你的专业明显不是建筑,所以你要避题（往你会的方面写）,不要写这些学术的东西 其次你结构安排还有待加强,你对这题目也不是很擅长 建议你分2方面写4段 1段开头2段写现代（你支持的）3段写传统（你不支持的） 2段要比3段多一些因为那是你支持的 最后第4段结尾 你可以集中介绍些传统房屋和传统生活方式 介绍下中国人传统上对自然的理解和依恋 描述下传统院子和传统小孩的生活（不知道看过鲁迅的百草园三味书屋吧?ADA ：） ）而现代的则写现代生活方式 建议你支持传统的 因为传统的房屋都是平房,而木制框架结构使传统房子柔韧性更强,对地震有更强抵抗能力 有院子让传统院子更像别墅,更像现在西方流行的院屋一体 何况传统结构房子倒了一般压不死人（木架+ 琉璃瓦）,而大楼受了地震...cost 20,000 用approximately 考官一看就知道你编的 何况在西方每幢普通建筑20层公寓都最少几千万美元（材料好住50年没一点问题） 你说这即使是真的偷工减料考官也会以为你胡说 Speaking for myself,with regard to this issue,I tend to be in favor of the latter view.找死的句子阿 不要写这个 要你写ESSAY加这个实在是多余 要被扣分的 我先说这么多再打字累了